I know I've been so horrible about updating this... Where in the world did the month of October go?! Holy moly!
Most of October was spent taking care of business. My mom and I managed to move all of my stuff from the storage unit Ronnie and I shared to my very own. I got my own separate bank account. I had Ronnie start a child support allotment. Dealt with Ronnie's return to San Diego. Went to court for a status hearing on the divorce. And lots and lots of emotional stress and heartache. Not only for myself, but for my babies.
This month was also full of me taking a good look at my life and at myself as a person. I've been stuck in the "Marine Wife and Mommy" role for so long that I've lost myself some where along the way...
At first I thought it would be so easy to make the transition from married to single. Man, was I wrong. There's so much in my life that I have to work out... I THOUGHT I was ready to date again. Wrong again. Although I have met a few very interesting people along the way. Unfortunately not even a friendship really came from any of the dates I went on. I'm not really sure what I was expecting though... with me being pregnant and all. I think a couple of the guys just thought I'd be an easy lay because of that fact. I'm pregnant, not easy guys... Thanks for the free dinner though! lol. Only one of the guys I ended up going on a date with was worth any of my time. I don't see things going any where though.
So, it's the single life for me. Soon to be the life of a single mom of a 2 year old and a newborn. I'm in for one crazy year in 2009! I'm looking forward to it though. I can't wait to get all of my goals accomplished.
Speaking of 2009, yesterday I found out that Ronnie just got new orders to head to the East Coast January 15th. Yeah, right after my due date. He'll probably miss the birth of our second son. Guess it's only fair since he missed Camron's as well. It's just so depressing to think that Camron and Brayden won't grow up knowing their father. Ronnie has some ridiculous idea that they're gonna come visit him in South Carolina. He's nuts. He thinks I'm going to fly all the way across the United States so he can see them! Me and 2 VERY young boys!! Haha! Why should I put in all that effort and stress? He's the one who messed everything up! Had he not cheated on me (yet again!) it would have been the 4 of us moving there. We would have been a family like we were supposed to be. I don't feel one bit sorry for Ronnie missing out on the boys' lives. It's the boys I feel sorry for. Ronnie will just be a man they see in old pictures and who comes to visit once or twice a year. I'm not even all that convinced yet that he'll even make THAT much effort! I've known Ronnie since his first son was 10 months old. I've witnessed first hand the very little effort he's put in to keep in touch with him. And he only lives 300 miles up north! Why would it be any different with my 2 boys?
I hope he's miserable. I hope he sees what a F*** up he's been. I hope he regrets all the stupid decisions he's made in the past 6 years! I doubt it, but it'd make me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one hurting...
I'm so sick of thinking about him! I was fine when he was in Florida... He's been back for less than a week and I've had to see him several times. Now I can't stop crying and asking myself why me... Every time I see him all the hurt feelings come rushing back and I feel myself on the verge of tears. I'm so sick of crying over such a LOSER!!!
He's not worth my tears... so why won't they stop?
About Me
- Taylor
- I'm a Divorced, Stay-At-Home, babywearing mommy to Camron, the best little boy in the world! Currently waiting on my second little one who is due in January. I've been unexpectedly thrown in to life as a single mom and just trying to start my life over at 24.
3 comments:
I too, went through a divorce while pregnant. It was very tough, but you will get through it and see what a strong person you are because of it.
My boys were 25 months apart, also. It's a tough ride, but you will KNOW that you can get through anything, once your heart gets better...and it will.
Love your blog,
Jen
http;//thoughtsfromthefrontporch.blogspot.com
I happened to come acros your page while trying to shop for soe custom made pillows.
My heart breaks for you, I to am 24 and can only imagine how difficult it is to go through what you are.
I just wanted to say.. I know this is hard but it won't last forever, and in someways your lucky it happend at 24 rather than 40. You have a chance to really find yourself and do the things you wanna do.
Being a military wife is a hard task and sometimes we can get so sucked up into our husbands career and playing the role of military wife we somehow lose ourselves in it, especially because so many of us get married at tender ages when we hadly are begining to understand who we are as women in the world.
This might be a blessing in disgiuse.
You can begin in devloping a more interesting woman who will have more to show than just being a military wife and mom.
I to was faced being a single mom at 22 and again at 24. Yes! bitterness consumes you. Please, try to be humble. Your mad and hurt I understand this. Remember the more you talk bad about the father of your children openly only makes people think, why did you marry him in the first place. It inevitably makes you look like you were desperate. Also, don't talk bad about the Dad in front of the kids. As they grow older they will form their opinion. By this time you will have found your remarkable soul mate and it will no longer matter what you think. Trust me I have 4 children. 2 of the Dads had nothing to do with them. By them forming their own opinion I was never the bad guy. All my kids are 15 and older, I have been married to a wonderful man for 13 years. Yes, those kids have a relationship with their Dad now. It is tainted because the kids learned not to count on them. Not because of what I said or of any belittling on my part. But because of the Dads actions. It will get better. Learn not to settle and love your babies. They are only little once, they do grow up fast. One of my boys whom the father wasn't always there for is now a 21 year old in the Army. They do turn out right and they love you for not being belligerent toward there Dad.
Be Blessed and you have my prayers.
Miranda
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